Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize