i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
