Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
