Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
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I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
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I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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