is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
