If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
