some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
