Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
