we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
