I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
