"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize
