I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
