Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Randomize
