i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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