when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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