how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
This is classic penis vs brain.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
