I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
