Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
