why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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