They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
