I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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