Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
