The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
