i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
