I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Randomize
