Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
You know, be my cock's hype man.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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