he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
