Well douche your snatch and let's go!
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
