plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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