You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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