dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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