It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
