I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
