you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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