it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
