i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
