The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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