I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize