I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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