I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
