went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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