her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
