so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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