Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
