Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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