im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
