dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
