Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
