Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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