i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
