I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
