he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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