are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
