One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
