Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
