Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
