He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
