Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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