We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
You have to summon your inner elephant
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
