he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
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Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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