I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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