she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
