Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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