dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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