You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Alive.
So much puke
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
