And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
