literally had 100 drinks last night.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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