the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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