We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Randomize
