Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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