..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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