he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
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