so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize