Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
