fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
