final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
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there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I think a kid would responsible me up
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You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.