I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard