Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...