and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility