First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
