New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!