I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize
