its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
