if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Randomize
