my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
He? As in you personified your dick?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
