I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
